Sunday, December 23, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
What To Do When Life Throws You A Curve Ball | Cherese L. Jackson
What To Do When Life Throws You A Curve Ball
Life can be very unpredictable at times. Even though we feel we can map out every aspect of our lives, occasionally we do get thrown a curve ball that we hadn’t bargained for. Oft times, what appears to be a negative “curve ball” on the surface, later turns out to be the very opportunity that led to your success.
When you are forced to encounter these unpredictable turn of events you can either allow yourself to be swallowed up in the darkness or misery of uncertainty or you can pull up your boot straps and face the situation head on armed with the optimistic attitude that this craziness has to be part of a plan that will work in your favor. Only then will you be open and available to whatever opportunities that presented to you.
Even in my own life, while following a path I thought would lead to one thing, my plans were altered against my will and personal blueprint that I “knew” was designed for my life. As a result, a whole new arena was opened to me. Through some pretty rough times, costly experiences and intimate encounters with God, the wealth of wisdom I received is the most valuable possession I own. Now, on this side of those experiences I can say as the infamous poet Maya Angelou states; “I wouldn’t trade nothing for my journey”.
- Life doesn’t end because of a disruption: A disruption often launches you into uncharted territory. These uncertainties can cause you to experience a sense of detriment, but you have to remind yourself that you can and will survive this. Expressing your feelings may liberate you for a time but it’s important not to get caught up in the pain of the moment and to over analyze the situation. The rut of painful emotions will rob you of the valuable energy you need to heal and to move on. Get it out and get over it so you can keep going.
- Life has a process and stages of life: Life happens in chapters so don’t settle in and get comfortable in any phase of life. Just as anything out of season is spoiled, so it is with the seasons of life. If you try to hold onto a season that has passed it causes you to become “spoiled”. In order to be fresh for your next phase of life you have to be willing to leave what’s comfortable and embrace a “new” normal. In the words of a wise man named Solomon, “To everything there is a season and a time for a purpose under the sun”.
- Life doesn’t require you to know it all in advance: Sometime you are learning as you go. Whether travelling for our business or going to visit family my husband and I spend a lot of time driving on the interstate. Many times we’re travelling a rode we haven’t navigated before, one full of curves, hills and tunnels. We aren’t always sure what will be around the next corner, but just as we continue to drive forward regardless of the unknown, there are times we must do the same in our lives.
You never know when you go through that breakup, lose your job or even miss your train what’s really in store for you. Life isn’t about knowing what’s at the next corner of the map; it’s more about being open to change and exploring the unknown. Even with the most detailed plans we’ve designed for our lives, life can throw us a curve ball and cause a massive change to the game. It’s not what happens to us that matters most; it’s more about our response to the situation. When life throws you a curve ball, and don’t worry – it will, we can either curse it, swing at it, try and dodge it, or stay in the game and wait for the next pitch. Whatever you do remember,” Life is a journey; not a destination.”
See ya at the top!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Nothing Is Wrong, But Nothing Is Right Either by Cherese Jackson
Some time ago I had a client share with me that when it comes to her marriage, “nothing was wrong, but nothing was right either!” I thought about that for some time and realized that a great majority of couples have come to a ‘new normal’ called Relationship Purgatory. They exist together with the sole purpose of not pissing each other off! What kind of relationship is that?
You fall in love, get married, and most times have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens; the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes.
During the “bad times” there is more arguing and fault finding, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of happiness and appreciation. But you somehow weather the storms and manage to stay married.
You’re way pass all the tokens of affection like, champagne, chocolates, edible body oils and tons of flowers. And now you’re sitting face to face with someone you’re not sure the future holds. Long after the dates are over you are fighting to live above…MEDIOCRITY!
What most couples don’t realize is that there are things they can do to ensure that times are better than they are worse, to make riding out the storms smoother and easier.
Marriage requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die. There is no couple that doesn’t have to work hard at improving their relationship. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is a setup for disappointment and disillusionment. The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship. Among the most common problems:
Money – There never seems to be enough, or if there is, one person is upset about how the other spends it and how to invest or protect the rest. Sex– It’s the reason 50 percent of couples seek marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires sex more often and on different terms than the other. Often times it gets so bad that neither spouse can recall the last time they enjoyed it together.
Work – Partners have different role expectations about who does what within the home as well as outside of the home.
Children – Couples often disagree over how to raise and discipline children. These problems won’t lead to marital meltdown if you can talk about them constructively with your partner. Healthy communication is the key! Marriage is much like having a job, it takes commitment, knowledge, and trust to make it last. Each partner has important needs in a marriage that have to be met. Do you understand the needs of your partner? Do you respect the needs of your partner? Are you truly a partner? Some couples stay in unhappy relationships, why? …They can’t put their finger on the real problem. It seems that, “nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either”.
Taking your marriage from mediocre to great, can mean an unexpected lunch date, a mid-afternoon call at work, a stop at the local florist, a quick kiss in the morning, or a simple “I love you”. Trigger your memory by moving your thinking away from the problem and back to the core of your relationship. Think of how you felt, in the beginning of the relationship, during the dating stage, sometimes it can be hard to get those feelings back, because life has become busier with family, and work.
All in all, marriage is a partnership, and being an active participant in your marriage is critical in having that 50th Year Anniversary. Men need to feel appreciated by their wives, and told often how much they are appreciated, and loved. Set aside time to talk with your spouse, during this time you should leave out conversations about children, bills, or any extra worries. A good topic could be about how you met each other or why you fell for each other in the first place.
During this time you are bonding with your spouse, and re-establishing your connection, and hopefully sharing a laugh or two in the process. There are times as a couple you will have arguments or disagreements, but if you always keep in mind the reason you fell in love in the first place, this will take your marriage from mediocre to great!
See you at the TOP!
Life....Outside of the Box; The Reality TV Box by Cherese Jackson
Stop letting Reality TV affected the way you see yourself
What do you want to be? The simple answer to that question is the same for every person on the planet. We all want to be fulfilled. At the core of every other possible answer is that one underlying truth; fulfillment, with its varying definitions, is what we want!
When you were young, someone asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up”? You looked around at the adults in your world to find examples of possible answers to that question. And instinctively gave more consideration to those whose lives seemed to bring them happiness or fulfillment. Right away you began to believe that your own identity, and future success, depended on what you decided to be when you grew up. This becomes a reference point for our perceptions about life.
If the people around us are rich and have other people work for them, that’s the way you think life is. On the other hand, if the people in your world struggle just to pay their bills and are always waiting on the next paycheck, that’s the perspective, you tend to associate with.
Whatever a child sees in the world around them is what they are subtly programmed to expect from life. This all happens very early in our lives. We may or may not want the reality we see, but that is what forms our perceptions and expectations of how life is.
So, our limits are based on the choices available to us within our immediate environment because that’s what we see as reality. The subconscious anchor here is: if that is reality, then everything beyond that is just fantasy. Perhaps, this is why we’re so attracted to the box otherwise known as Reality TV.
Reality TV gives us the “ability” to experience life through someone else’s perception of fulfillment. We see the unreal world of Reality TV and buy into its false sense community, involvement, and truth.
False sense of community: We ‘know’ more about what’s happening in the on-screen lives of these people than we do about the real-world people next door or even in the next room from us. We talk about them on a first name basis, as if we actually know them. How much do the “characters” in these shows know or care about us and our lives. We only see what the camera operators, editors and producers choose to let us see. If we think they’re interested in portraying reality, we are being incredibly naïve.
False sense of involvement: Media executives cynically manipulate our sense of “being involved” in the lives of these people. We’re being remotely controlled by the remote control. We get more emotionally involved with the people on these shows than with our own loved ones. It’s a one-way relationship. We complain when we’re connected to people, in the real world, and it seems as if we’re the only contributor.
False sense of truth: Who can really distinguish the truth from the drama? It is a counterfeit reality, an artificial world where we waste time substituting the reel for what’s real. It’s Reality TV, where reality itself dissolves in a web of lies and scandal.
No matter what kind of hopes and dreams we may entertain as children, sooner or later we are expected to stop living in a fantasy world and start living in the “real world.”
This huge contrast between the kind of reality we fantasize about and the reality we have been programmed to accept creates massive internal friction. Somewhere inside of us we all intuitively know that more is possible, and that knowledge is in direct conflict with our “real world” programming. So, instead of challenging ourselves, we succumb to live through the characters within the box – the Reality TV Box.
We need a radical program upgrade and the one viable option is to rewrite our internal programs. When our identity is tied to “what we do” it sends a message that “we are” our job, career, or role in life. That is not what we are; it’s just one of the many things we do.
Who we are as a person is more about our personal qualities; our passions, values and relationships. So, it’s not what I want to be; instead it’s WHO I want to be. Upgrading our internal programs requires that we get very clear about who we are on a core level.
Believe it or not your fantasies actually serve a purpose. They are the voice of your true self calling out for recognition. They are a message from your intuitive, creative nature; reminding you that fulfillment of life is really possible. Now the question is, are you ready to break “out of the box”?
See you at the TOP!
The Truth About Lying by Cherese Jackson
What is the truth worth...... In a time where lying has become an acceptable art, the lines between truth and error have been blurred..... ?
What is the truth worth? In a time where lying has become an acceptable art, the lines between truth and error have been blurred. Our politicians do it, our teachers do it, our religious leaders do it, and even our children do it. It is difficult to hold anyone to a standard higher than the one we live by.
Where does it end? Famed German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “I am not upset that you lied to me, but that from now on I cannot believe you.” We have come to understand that the consequences of a lie have touched us all in negative ways. In fact, if we could, we would go back and un-do those situations. The truth of the matter is, you cannot un-tell a lie.
When we speak of empowerment, we are referring to the ability to remind others of the resident power living inside them. Empowerment also says that anytime they desire, they can release this power into their situations. Lies weaken and erode foundations. When we speak lies it’s usually the result of a moment in time we feel defeated and lack the courage to own the truth. It is a strong sign of character to be a person of integrity. When you honor yourself and your words, people will as well. Empowerment shows up to lend support in tough times.
A study was done by psychologist Dan Ariely of several liars and their circumstances. What was interesting was the ‘stories’ of why that existed behind the lies they told. He noticed (3) major trends:
(1) Liars usually will do it even if the stakes are pennies. Dan found that no matter how low the monetary amount, some lied as if millions were on the line. Proving there was an adrenaline rush associated with telling a lie.
(2) Liars often found pleasure in doing it to help others. These are people who want to help another so badly they would stake their reputation on it. There was a joy achieved in knowing their lie went to a good cause.
(3) Liars almost NEVER do it once. By the time the average liar is busted, there’s usually a trail left behind. The first thing they will scream is, this is my first lie. Dan says this is usually not the case at all.
There are a lot of variables that play into who we believe and why. It could be there face, body language or just a good feeling we have about them. When our trust has been betrayed by the horror of a lie it takes us for a loop. We usually begin with blaming ourselves. Wondering why we were stupid enough to fall for deceit. But in reality, we are often just the victim of someone who didn’t have the power to walk in the truth.
For many, the disconnection began in our youth. When we were told there were ‘white lies’ and ‘big lies’ we instantly began looking for ways to manipulate the system. We created a scale in our minds and little by little it became unbalanced. As we grew, the importance of our words did also. Now we stand as adults faced with hundreds of choices daily to do what is right or what is convenient. Far too often people make the wrong decision because they were never empowered properly.
We no longer have to live in this perpetual ‘grey area’ of life. We can stand up and own up to the life we live. With authenticity we can choose to be people of integrity and have words with honor. Remembering we are only as good as the weight of our words.
See you at the TOP!
Cherese Jackson
What is the truth worth? In a time where lying has become an acceptable art, the lines between truth and error have been blurred. Our politicians do it, our teachers do it, our religious leaders do it, and even our children do it. It is difficult to hold anyone to a standard higher than the one we live by.
Where does it end? Famed German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “I am not upset that you lied to me, but that from now on I cannot believe you.” We have come to understand that the consequences of a lie have touched us all in negative ways. In fact, if we could, we would go back and un-do those situations. The truth of the matter is, you cannot un-tell a lie.
When we speak of empowerment, we are referring to the ability to remind others of the resident power living inside them. Empowerment also says that anytime they desire, they can release this power into their situations. Lies weaken and erode foundations. When we speak lies it’s usually the result of a moment in time we feel defeated and lack the courage to own the truth. It is a strong sign of character to be a person of integrity. When you honor yourself and your words, people will as well. Empowerment shows up to lend support in tough times.
A study was done by psychologist Dan Ariely of several liars and their circumstances. What was interesting was the ‘stories’ of why that existed behind the lies they told. He noticed (3) major trends:
(1) Liars usually will do it even if the stakes are pennies. Dan found that no matter how low the monetary amount, some lied as if millions were on the line. Proving there was an adrenaline rush associated with telling a lie.
(2) Liars often found pleasure in doing it to help others. These are people who want to help another so badly they would stake their reputation on it. There was a joy achieved in knowing their lie went to a good cause.
(3) Liars almost NEVER do it once. By the time the average liar is busted, there’s usually a trail left behind. The first thing they will scream is, this is my first lie. Dan says this is usually not the case at all.
There are a lot of variables that play into who we believe and why. It could be there face, body language or just a good feeling we have about them. When our trust has been betrayed by the horror of a lie it takes us for a loop. We usually begin with blaming ourselves. Wondering why we were stupid enough to fall for deceit. But in reality, we are often just the victim of someone who didn’t have the power to walk in the truth.
For many, the disconnection began in our youth. When we were told there were ‘white lies’ and ‘big lies’ we instantly began looking for ways to manipulate the system. We created a scale in our minds and little by little it became unbalanced. As we grew, the importance of our words did also. Now we stand as adults faced with hundreds of choices daily to do what is right or what is convenient. Far too often people make the wrong decision because they were never empowered properly.
We no longer have to live in this perpetual ‘grey area’ of life. We can stand up and own up to the life we live. With authenticity we can choose to be people of integrity and have words with honor. Remembering we are only as good as the weight of our words.
See you at the TOP!
Cherese Jackson
3 ‘Acts’ to Improve Your Life Story by Cherese Jackson
You are the greatest story ever told and more importantly you have the power to alter the script.
Have you ever gotten lost in a dramatic novel or captivating movie? The kind where you are engrossed in the narrative you seem to lose track of time and space. The dialogue, language and character interaction does more than grab your attention; it holds you hostage until the whole storyline has been revealed. What if you were the star of the movie or the main character of the book?
You are the greatest story ever told and more importantly you have the power to alter the script. When you remember that you are the author of your own life story, you are free to create a masterpiece.
You have a supporting cast that’s second to none. Some of the members of the cast were pre-scripted and others you’ve handpicked yourself. No matter how they joined the cast they here for a reason and they all deliver the dialogue impeccably, each line timed and inflected perfectly for its respective scene.
Why were they cast at all? Will they help solve problems or will they only create dilemmas that need solving? Whatever the reason, they are there and they have a purpose. Even the extras are important in our story; they speak volumes about the setting that you, the main character, exist in. You know, the co-worker that you can’t stand, the nosey neighbor that lives three houses down, the friendly cashier at the local supermarket, even the police officer that accused you of running the stop sign and rewarded you with that outrageous ticket.
Over the course of the story, oh how each scene twists and turns, sometimes over years:
- a four year college expectation interrupted due to an unforeseen daughter’s arrival
- a failed marriage
- finally, a college degree
- a few fights with depression
- more children
- a struggle with cancer
- finally, a successful business undertaking
- a variety of births and deaths
The story of our lives can be viewed like a screenplay written in three parts called Acts. Take a look at how these Acts unfold regardless of the number of scenes in our lives:
Act One – The Set Up: Always most interesting to the story is how our lead character responds. Whether the current scene is peaceful or frantic, it’s trying to teach you something. Even if you don’t like this particular part, there is a reason for it, and it will give birth to a new set, new characters, and a new plot before you know it. Whatever you do, pay close attention to the details, and know that there is something grand behind them.
Everything that has happened has combined to bring you precisely to this moment. Don’t underestimate how profound your story is. Countless lives, even nations and empires, will hinge on your choices, right now and moving forward.
Act Two – The Obstacles: We all have our own life story. It is filled with relationships and events that help shape who we are and what we believe to be true about the world. Depending on our perspective and willingness to grow, our experiences can become the decorations that make of the focus of our pity party, or they can fuel a life of empowerment and continued self-development. It is the story we tell ourselves about what happens that makes all the difference.
Act Three – The Resolution: No matter who the characters are in your story or what they have done, you are the only one who can give their actions the meaning they will have for you. You are the only one who can define what role you will play in your own life. By taking responsibility for your story, you are able to learn and grow, forgive and find compassion, and most importantly, move on into a more fulfilling future.
You can’t rewrite the past but you can flip the script for your future. You can choose a life story that supports you and change the message that each experience brings. Let you story be proof of your own resilience and creativity. Be kind with the roles you give yourself and generous with the opportunities you get to learn the things you need to know. When you remember that you are the author of your own story, you are free to create a masterpiece. Seize this moment to go for it!
Cherese Jackson
Unload Your Emotional Baggage by Cherese Jackson
With so much potential for disaster, it is no wonder that emotional hoarding is the health threat to avoid and resolve when recognized
When you travel do you tend to over pack? Are you always hoping to fly Southwest to avoid the extra baggage fees? Do you need a garment bag, suitcase and duffle for an overnight visit? Do you spend your transit time worrying about what might have been left or what you should have brought along? …..If the answer yes to any of these, then you probably carry too much baggage and need to learn to travel lighter. There’s no question: overpacking trumps the list of biggest travel mistakes.
Of all the travel skills you might acquire, travelling light is the one most likely to result in enjoyable, productive, stress-free travel experiences.
Why do airlines charge for the extra stuff? I may be wrong, but I think there are two main reasons:
- As a control measure for security (so that everyone doesn’t arrive with loads of extra luggage without any implications. If you have to pay, you will control the amount you bring)
- It has an actual impact on the airplane weight (heavier planes mean higher fuel prices)
I’m of the persuasion that all truth is parallel and what you display in your behavior is often a reflection of what’s going on inside. In other words, we’d do well to learn from the example the Airlines have shown us as a consequence of carrying excess baggage with us. Everyone has some form of baggage, but for our topic today I want to focus on emotional baggage. Emotional baggage is turmoil caused by issues in someone’s past. Emotional baggage clutters your mind, weighing you down with regurgitation about the past, rendering you unable to fully enjoy the present.
For example, most of us have experienced holding a grudge at one time or another and, hopefully, eventually forgave the offense or simply let it go.
Others have difficulty releasing their hard feelings, assuming the role of victim in their relationships and choosing estrangement over forgiveness. You might recognize the behavior in a friend or relative who has not spoken to someone they previously were close to for years over some perceived offense.
Although emotional hoarding is not considered a bona fide mental illness, many mental health experts agree that bottling up emotions and harboring grudges can lead to stress-related mental and physical medical issues and therefore emotional hoarding over time might potentially be detrimental to your health and well-being.
Excess emotional baggage, like luggage, demands a high price. Physical side effects of emotional hoarding consist of, but are not limited to:
- High blood pressure
- Headaches
- Insomnia
- Depression
- Weight issues – Over indulgence of eating or lack of
- Compulsive behaviors – Excessive shopping; never having enough
With so much potential for disaster, it is no wonder that emotional hoarding is the health threat to avoid and resolve when recognized.
Baggage has many faces. We carry them around us; we store them in the remotest part of our brain, in the deepest chambers of our hearts. We have them in our extensive database of memories. We can all identify some area where we feel justified holding on to our “victim” status:
- Broken dreams
- Broken relationships
- Failed careers
- Betrayals
- Childhood trauma
- Health challenges
These as well as other concerns can cast deep emotional scars to the most vulnerable members of the family and society.
Think back over the years, and ask yourself how many times you have stopped interacting with another person, as opposed to talking out your problem with them and facilitating a resolution.
How do you react today when someone offends you? Do you suffer in silence or confront the person, voicing your displeasure and eliciting an apology in an effort to bring resolution? If you bottle up your feelings, tucking them away in your mind, you are displaying the behavior of an emotional hoarder and leaving yourself at risk of developing mental or physical problems.
You can make the choice to forgive others when warranted, or accept their errant ways, letting go of your hurt feelings and moving on with your life. Hence, the serenity prayer: “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference”.
Your inner peace and ability to fully enjoy life is dependent on learning how to forgive or let go and move on. One of the most dangerous places to find yourself is in a place called yesterday. It’s the past for a reason – get out of the rear view mirror and focus on the road. Life is a road we all travel; lighten the load and enjoy a more flexible journey.
Cherese Jackson
Embracing Change by Cherese Jackson
There is absolutely nothing wrong with change. Anything not experiencing change is stagnant.
We are living in confusing times regardless of where we have come from or how we got here – all over the country, regardless of theological persuasion, geographical permanence; it doesn’t matter we are living in confusing times.
We have to take off our corporate hats and put down our “scholarly objectives” and sit down long enough to reconsider our concepts, our ideas and our philosophies. These are times we have to re-evaluate our posture and rethink our stance and recommit our strengths.
It is not so much that your goal has to change as it is that your method needs to change. You don’t have to alter your purpose but your methods do need to change from time to time that your goal might be accomplished. We have often struggled to do things that our skill set did not support and have failed to recondition our training when prior opportunities were available.
Now what?
You must now redefine your purpose, your goals and your mission – just a season of change. Anytime you go through change life becomes uneasy because people don’t know what to think about change.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with change because if you expect to grow and NOT change you have a problem – in order for you to develop and be transformed or transfigured or trans-anything something has to change in order for this to be accomplished.
You can not be intimidated because you’ve changed in some areas; it’s good to change. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad by saying you used to be this or you used to do that. You can say, yes that’s right – I’m growing.
I’m scared of people who are teaching or doing exactly the same thing they did 5 years ago – haven’t you learned anything new in 5 years? It makes no sense that after 5 years with all this technology you are still saying or doing exactly the same thing the exact same way! Sometimes we make the mistake of having our last conviction be the final one.
Change is not easy. But it is simple. Things will always change. We don’t have a choice about that, but we do have a choice on how we react to change; and whether or not we choose to create change. The choice really boils down to this…either we manage change, or it will manage us.
Change is constant: Everything we once knew and depended on has changed and is changing, it can be overwhelming. When major change occurs, people have similar reactions of fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and a lack of control. The difference occurs in how individuals respond to change.
Change is different from transition: It is important to differentiate between change and transition. Change is situational. It is the event, such as a new house, a new job, or the loss of a family business. Transition is the psychological process one goes through in adapting to change.
Perception of the change impacts response: How one views change has a great impact on the transition. Typically, individuals view change as either opportunity or loss. Unless a successful transition occurs, change will not work. Since change is often beyond our control, it is important to focus on how individuals respond to change, or make the transition.
Deciding to make any type of change is the easy part. Getting on board with change and surviving transition is much more difficult. Why is that? Quite simply, change is instant a transition is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary!
In the long run, however, sameness is the fast track to mediocrity. And, mediocre people won’t survive. Tuli Kupferburg said it best…“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” And, that is your challenge…to convince yourself that the new world you are trying to create is better than the one you’re in. Is it easy? Of course not. It takes planning, commitment, patience and courage.
The truth, of course, is that change can be a wonderful gift. In fact, it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement in any organism. And, most importantly, without it your competition will pass you by. A big part of success will be your ability to inspire yourself to get out of your comfort zone and reassure yourself that even though you are on a new path, it’s the right path, for the right reasons.
Never allow your first set of convictions be considered the final decree – always stay current and fresh so you will be operating in the “present truth”.
See Ya At The Top,
Cherese Jackson
We are living in confusing times regardless of where we have come from or how we got here – all over the country, regardless of theological persuasion, geographical permanence; it doesn’t matter we are living in confusing times.
We have to take off our corporate hats and put down our “scholarly objectives” and sit down long enough to reconsider our concepts, our ideas and our philosophies. These are times we have to re-evaluate our posture and rethink our stance and recommit our strengths.
It is not so much that your goal has to change as it is that your method needs to change. You don’t have to alter your purpose but your methods do need to change from time to time that your goal might be accomplished. We have often struggled to do things that our skill set did not support and have failed to recondition our training when prior opportunities were available.
Now what?
You must now redefine your purpose, your goals and your mission – just a season of change. Anytime you go through change life becomes uneasy because people don’t know what to think about change.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with change because if you expect to grow and NOT change you have a problem – in order for you to develop and be transformed or transfigured or trans-anything something has to change in order for this to be accomplished.
You can not be intimidated because you’ve changed in some areas; it’s good to change. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad by saying you used to be this or you used to do that. You can say, yes that’s right – I’m growing.
I’m scared of people who are teaching or doing exactly the same thing they did 5 years ago – haven’t you learned anything new in 5 years? It makes no sense that after 5 years with all this technology you are still saying or doing exactly the same thing the exact same way! Sometimes we make the mistake of having our last conviction be the final one.
Change is not easy. But it is simple. Things will always change. We don’t have a choice about that, but we do have a choice on how we react to change; and whether or not we choose to create change. The choice really boils down to this…either we manage change, or it will manage us.
Change is constant: Everything we once knew and depended on has changed and is changing, it can be overwhelming. When major change occurs, people have similar reactions of fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and a lack of control. The difference occurs in how individuals respond to change.
Change is different from transition: It is important to differentiate between change and transition. Change is situational. It is the event, such as a new house, a new job, or the loss of a family business. Transition is the psychological process one goes through in adapting to change.
Perception of the change impacts response: How one views change has a great impact on the transition. Typically, individuals view change as either opportunity or loss. Unless a successful transition occurs, change will not work. Since change is often beyond our control, it is important to focus on how individuals respond to change, or make the transition.
Deciding to make any type of change is the easy part. Getting on board with change and surviving transition is much more difficult. Why is that? Quite simply, change is instant a transition is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary!
In the long run, however, sameness is the fast track to mediocrity. And, mediocre people won’t survive. Tuli Kupferburg said it best…“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” And, that is your challenge…to convince yourself that the new world you are trying to create is better than the one you’re in. Is it easy? Of course not. It takes planning, commitment, patience and courage.
The truth, of course, is that change can be a wonderful gift. In fact, it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement in any organism. And, most importantly, without it your competition will pass you by. A big part of success will be your ability to inspire yourself to get out of your comfort zone and reassure yourself that even though you are on a new path, it’s the right path, for the right reasons.
Never allow your first set of convictions be considered the final decree – always stay current and fresh so you will be operating in the “present truth”.
See Ya At The Top,
Cherese Jackson
Creating Authentic Relationships by Cherese Jackson
Your relationships drive your life. You are the sum of your five closest friends.
Our ability to build and maintain healthy relationships is the single most important factor in how we get along in every area of life. All of life’s successes come from initiating relationships with the right people and then strengthening those relationships by being authentic.
It’s no surprise that people who tend to have few or no friends, are often also diagnosed with depression. Loneliness is detrimental to your mental, and eventually physical, well being. We do not exist in life without relationships. No one is an island to themselves. You are always relating to someone or something. We all need relationships! Tom Hanks in the movie “Cast Away” was so desperate for relationship that he formed one with a ball and even named it Wilson
Your relationships drive your life. You are the sum of your five closest friends. There’s a saying, “birds of a feather flock together”. In other words, if I want to know what you’re like or who you really are I can look at the people you call friends; your friends are a reflection of you.
You can know a lot of people, but if the dynamic of the relationships aren’t adequate, they don’t bring any distinct value in your life. A good relationship is reflected by a strong and rewarding connection. It is my belief that the people with the most meaningful relationships tend to also be the happiest.This connection can be casual, romantic, sexual, emotional, intellectual, and so on, depending on the nature of the relationship. But it must be there. When you feel that connection interacting with a person, you know it’s a relationship worth having.
The freedom to be authentic is one common quality that all people with fulfilling relationships have; the ability to engage others in a comfortable and genuine matter, without making excuses for who they are. With authenticity, you can easily interact with others, express yourself and simply unveil the relationships that are meant to be..
• Authentic people are not afraid to be who they are and show who they are. There is no pretence. There is no building themselves up to look better and no tearing themselves down to look worse. They are secure with who they are. They know their strengths and are in touch with their weakness. Simply stated, authentic people are just real.
selfishness, too attached to their own agendas, too busy with their own lives and too fixated on their own goals. Our concern, as individuals, is primarily with ourselves, but this can change. If authentic relationships are important to us we can practice being authentic. Then, as we become more authentic ourselves, we will discover the joy of deeper relationships and will want to become authentic in every area of our lives.
Cherese Jackson
Our ability to build and maintain healthy relationships is the single most important factor in how we get along in every area of life. All of life’s successes come from initiating relationships with the right people and then strengthening those relationships by being authentic.
It’s no surprise that people who tend to have few or no friends, are often also diagnosed with depression. Loneliness is detrimental to your mental, and eventually physical, well being. We do not exist in life without relationships. No one is an island to themselves. You are always relating to someone or something. We all need relationships! Tom Hanks in the movie “Cast Away” was so desperate for relationship that he formed one with a ball and even named it Wilson
Your relationships drive your life. You are the sum of your five closest friends. There’s a saying, “birds of a feather flock together”. In other words, if I want to know what you’re like or who you really are I can look at the people you call friends; your friends are a reflection of you.
You can know a lot of people, but if the dynamic of the relationships aren’t adequate, they don’t bring any distinct value in your life. A good relationship is reflected by a strong and rewarding connection. It is my belief that the people with the most meaningful relationships tend to also be the happiest.This connection can be casual, romantic, sexual, emotional, intellectual, and so on, depending on the nature of the relationship. But it must be there. When you feel that connection interacting with a person, you know it’s a relationship worth having.
The freedom to be authentic is one common quality that all people with fulfilling relationships have; the ability to engage others in a comfortable and genuine matter, without making excuses for who they are. With authenticity, you can easily interact with others, express yourself and simply unveil the relationships that are meant to be..
• Authentic people are not afraid to be who they are and show who they are. There is no pretence. There is no building themselves up to look better and no tearing themselves down to look worse. They are secure with who they are. They know their strengths and are in touch with their weakness. Simply stated, authentic people are just real.
- Authentic people are approachable. It doesn’t matter what position they hold or what activity they are engaged in, if you are with them you will be treated with respect and attention.
- Authentic people are interested in others. They have learned that having an authentic relationship holds the key to joy and happiness. It is not work or effort for them, it’s natural. Whether it is a life-long relationship or a quick encounter, they know it holds within it the core truth of our being, namely that we are all relative and because of human nature we are uniquely connected to each other.
- Authentic people put others at ease. We know when we are in the presence of an authentic person because we feel relaxed, at home. We feel heard, respected, important, interesting. Authentic people make us feel that way because that is how they see us. We see the promise of our own lives and our own possibilities through their authenticity.
- Authentic people know their place in the world and fulfill it with joy and attention. Sometimes it will be a position of power and influence. Other times it will be the most humble of occupations. It is not the occupation or position that distinguishes them, but rather their ability to know and be themselves, and to have deep meaningful relationships with others.
- Authentic people live day-by-day, moment-by-moment. They know well that life must be lived and experienced one situation at a time, so that’s what they do. They know that nothing is more important than this very moment. When we are in their presence we know it too, for we vibrate with their frequency.
selfishness, too attached to their own agendas, too busy with their own lives and too fixated on their own goals. Our concern, as individuals, is primarily with ourselves, but this can change. If authentic relationships are important to us we can practice being authentic. Then, as we become more authentic ourselves, we will discover the joy of deeper relationships and will want to become authentic in every area of our lives.
Cherese Jackson
Getting Over The B.S. by Cherese Jackson
Your B.S. (Belief System) either empowers or limits you.
There isn’t a more powerful directing force in human behavior than a belief. Your beliefs have the power to create and to destroy. Your B.S. (Belief System) either empowers or limits you. Let me clarify here, I’m not talking about your degree or your bull “crap” instead I’m refering to your Belief System (which in a lot of cases is just “bull” or “full of it”).
Have you heard about the placebo effect? People who are told a drug will have a certain effect will many times experience that effect even when given a pill without those properties. Why? A belief delivers a direct command to your nervous system.
It is also our belief that determines how much of our potential we will be able to tap. So you better examine some of your beliefs minutely. For example, do you believe that you can excel in whatever you do? Do you believe you are bad in math? Do you believe that other people don’t like you? Do you believe life is full of problems?
B.S. is an idea that behaves in society like a virus does in a body. It’s all around us. Religious ideals or racial thoughts, for example, can behave like B.S., they begin with one person, then retold time and again, and end up traveling around the world – as they’re told and retold – and in so doing, they spread like viruses. They infect (the belief is told to the ‘host’), they reproduce (are retold by the ‘host’ where they ‘infect’ new ‘hosts,’ etc.), they mutate (are told in variations that alter in the retelling), and they can even have avenues such as books and magazines.
Much like viruses, B.S. can be benign like many physical viruses, or they can be pathological, producing illness, like many physical viruses. Like physical viruses, they can be mildly infectious, or they can be highly virulent. They can also control behavior, just as physical viruses can.
We weren’t born with a belief system in place; We created them! Just as we once created them, we can also RE-create them. Sadly, many of us are severely limiting our life experience due to the belief systems that were developed and ingrained in us since you childhood. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to break through those barriers and move beyond your self-constructed limitations into a world of unlimited possibilities? Change your beliefs and a new pattern is automatically created.
So, how do you go about making that happen? Well, it all begins with your thoughts. Your thoughts created your belief systems. Everything you were ever told repeatedly and every reinforced idea about the world that was thrust upon you has served as a foundation for your belief system. As an adult, you have the ability to choose what thoughts and ideas you want to focus on. If you focus on a fear-based thought system, you are going to manifest a reality that is reflective of that thought system. On the other hand, if you choose to focus on your strengths, your abilities, and the many opportunities that are available to you every day, you will manifest the experiences that are in alignment with that type of thinking.
In addition to your thoughts, to pay close attention to what comes out of your mouth. What you say is a critical indicator of your belief system. Take note of the words that are coming out of your mouth and if you find yourself saying things that begin with “I can’t” immediately replace them with statements that begin with “I am or I will.” The key is noticing how often you are sabotaging your own life experience with the words you consistently speak or the thoughts you consistently think. Once you are aware of what you’re doing, you have the power to create change in your life!
Remember, just as negative thoughts are the building blocks for negative experiences, positive thoughts are the building blocks for positive experiences. It’s that simple! Worrying about something doesn’t change it. In fact, it only serves to bring more for you to worry about because that is where you are placing your attention. Wherever you choose to place your focus today will determine the people, circumstances and opportunities that are drawn to or repelled from you.
Challenge yourself to be aware of the ways you project our opinions onto others and how you distort what they say to protect your beliefs. Begin today to consciously, deliberately, and purposefully establish the belief systems that will serve to empower you and draw the success you deserve. This isn’t something out of your control. No matter how you grew up or what your past was like, this is something you can begin to develop right now with determination and deliberate focus. No one else can do it for you; YOU determine the quality of your life experience. So, make it worth the journey!
See ya at the top!
Cherese L. Jackson
There isn’t a more powerful directing force in human behavior than a belief. Your beliefs have the power to create and to destroy. Your B.S. (Belief System) either empowers or limits you. Let me clarify here, I’m not talking about your degree or your bull “crap” instead I’m refering to your Belief System (which in a lot of cases is just “bull” or “full of it”).
Have you heard about the placebo effect? People who are told a drug will have a certain effect will many times experience that effect even when given a pill without those properties. Why? A belief delivers a direct command to your nervous system.
It is also our belief that determines how much of our potential we will be able to tap. So you better examine some of your beliefs minutely. For example, do you believe that you can excel in whatever you do? Do you believe you are bad in math? Do you believe that other people don’t like you? Do you believe life is full of problems?
B.S. is an idea that behaves in society like a virus does in a body. It’s all around us. Religious ideals or racial thoughts, for example, can behave like B.S., they begin with one person, then retold time and again, and end up traveling around the world – as they’re told and retold – and in so doing, they spread like viruses. They infect (the belief is told to the ‘host’), they reproduce (are retold by the ‘host’ where they ‘infect’ new ‘hosts,’ etc.), they mutate (are told in variations that alter in the retelling), and they can even have avenues such as books and magazines.
Much like viruses, B.S. can be benign like many physical viruses, or they can be pathological, producing illness, like many physical viruses. Like physical viruses, they can be mildly infectious, or they can be highly virulent. They can also control behavior, just as physical viruses can.
We weren’t born with a belief system in place; We created them! Just as we once created them, we can also RE-create them. Sadly, many of us are severely limiting our life experience due to the belief systems that were developed and ingrained in us since you childhood. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to break through those barriers and move beyond your self-constructed limitations into a world of unlimited possibilities? Change your beliefs and a new pattern is automatically created.
So, how do you go about making that happen? Well, it all begins with your thoughts. Your thoughts created your belief systems. Everything you were ever told repeatedly and every reinforced idea about the world that was thrust upon you has served as a foundation for your belief system. As an adult, you have the ability to choose what thoughts and ideas you want to focus on. If you focus on a fear-based thought system, you are going to manifest a reality that is reflective of that thought system. On the other hand, if you choose to focus on your strengths, your abilities, and the many opportunities that are available to you every day, you will manifest the experiences that are in alignment with that type of thinking.
In addition to your thoughts, to pay close attention to what comes out of your mouth. What you say is a critical indicator of your belief system. Take note of the words that are coming out of your mouth and if you find yourself saying things that begin with “I can’t” immediately replace them with statements that begin with “I am or I will.” The key is noticing how often you are sabotaging your own life experience with the words you consistently speak or the thoughts you consistently think. Once you are aware of what you’re doing, you have the power to create change in your life!
Remember, just as negative thoughts are the building blocks for negative experiences, positive thoughts are the building blocks for positive experiences. It’s that simple! Worrying about something doesn’t change it. In fact, it only serves to bring more for you to worry about because that is where you are placing your attention. Wherever you choose to place your focus today will determine the people, circumstances and opportunities that are drawn to or repelled from you.
Challenge yourself to be aware of the ways you project our opinions onto others and how you distort what they say to protect your beliefs. Begin today to consciously, deliberately, and purposefully establish the belief systems that will serve to empower you and draw the success you deserve. This isn’t something out of your control. No matter how you grew up or what your past was like, this is something you can begin to develop right now with determination and deliberate focus. No one else can do it for you; YOU determine the quality of your life experience. So, make it worth the journey!
See ya at the top!
Cherese L. Jackson
No Longer The Victim by Cherese Jackson
The Road Back To Significance and Security!
According to Abraham Maslow’s ground breaking work in the field of psychology and human behavior, it is noted that some of the top needs of all humanity are significance and security. This is why a traumatic experience can be difficult to overcome. Once you have been victimized it affects you in both of those top two areas. When your well being has been compromised, you must begin a journey toward wholeness that has no set time of completion. At times it will be lonely and confrontational. But if you endure the process, you can enjoy the promise of a better ‘you’.
Often when a court case is being decided, the issue before the judge is twofold; first, what are the punitive damages suffered and what will it take to make this person ‘whole’. Wholeness is at the root of all decisions exacted in the proceedings. The thought is to put a price tag on this person’s suffering in an effort for them to return to the state they were in before the incident happened. That may work well for the exterior issues, but how can punitive damages speak to the wrong suffered internally? There are things we all have gone through that no amount of money or property recovered will ease the pain. The fact is, only we ourselves hold the key.
Here is a road map out of ‘Victim Land’ for those who have wandered too long:
See you at the TOP!
Cherese Jackson
According to Abraham Maslow’s ground breaking work in the field of psychology and human behavior, it is noted that some of the top needs of all humanity are significance and security. This is why a traumatic experience can be difficult to overcome. Once you have been victimized it affects you in both of those top two areas. When your well being has been compromised, you must begin a journey toward wholeness that has no set time of completion. At times it will be lonely and confrontational. But if you endure the process, you can enjoy the promise of a better ‘you’.
Often when a court case is being decided, the issue before the judge is twofold; first, what are the punitive damages suffered and what will it take to make this person ‘whole’. Wholeness is at the root of all decisions exacted in the proceedings. The thought is to put a price tag on this person’s suffering in an effort for them to return to the state they were in before the incident happened. That may work well for the exterior issues, but how can punitive damages speak to the wrong suffered internally? There are things we all have gone through that no amount of money or property recovered will ease the pain. The fact is, only we ourselves hold the key.
Here is a road map out of ‘Victim Land’ for those who have wandered too long:
- The hardest part is the decision to leave: It surprises me how many clients I coach who have yet to make a decision that it’s time to move on. There is an affinity with the act that keeps them mesmerized and unable to get up. They have completely begun to identify with the role of the ‘victim’.
- Flip the script and turn the page: Listen to how interwoven we are with our stories. That’s what gives it the flavor. We own them. That’s a major problem when exiting ‘Victim Land’. We have to put the sequence of events into the context of our past and associate with a better story for our future. A great quote to remember is, “The beginning of wisdom is to call a thing by its proper name.” The past is the past and this is now.
- Exercise your right to forgive: Being the constant victim is so dangerous because it causes you to stay in a present state of victimization and you never move on to recovery. The difference between being victimized and being a victim is all in one’s perception. How you overcome is by releasing the person who hurt you and forgiving them.
“If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellows will.
It’s all in the state of mind.”
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellows will.
It’s all in the state of mind.”
Cherese Jackson
How To Heal Broken Dreams by Cherese Jackson
In life, just like in medicine, we need a professional to get us back on track. Here are a few things we all can use to speed up our recovery...
As we come to the close of another year, those on social media, like Facebook, know all too well what is about to take place. You’ve seen it, those grandiose posts declaring what the next year will bring for them. Some say prosperity, some put the friend list on notice that it’s time to ‘clean house’ and get rid of the negativity. Unfortunately, most of the chatter will never be followed up with actions. For whatever reason, we all seem to be fascinated with big promises, but know little of what to do to make it happen.
Several years ago while playing basketball I took a messy fall that left my leg in need of surgery. The doctors told me I was fortunate that I was brought to the hospital so quickly. My leg was injured in such a way that time would have only made the process harder. As I begin to see the rumblings of the new year approach, I can’t help but think that some are just frustrated because somewhere along the line, they suffered a ‘fracture’ and it was never treated properly.
In life, just like in medicine, we need a professional to get us back on track. Here are a few things we all can use to speed up our recovery:
We’ve all been ‘broken’ at one time or another. Relationships have fractured, hearts have been dislocated and even our feelings have been sprained. Often it is the internal wounds that take the longest to heal. In those times where the pain seems too much to cope, keep these keys in mind and embrace the healing process. Dreams may break, but we don’t have to.
See ya at the top!
Cherese Jackson
As we come to the close of another year, those on social media, like Facebook, know all too well what is about to take place. You’ve seen it, those grandiose posts declaring what the next year will bring for them. Some say prosperity, some put the friend list on notice that it’s time to ‘clean house’ and get rid of the negativity. Unfortunately, most of the chatter will never be followed up with actions. For whatever reason, we all seem to be fascinated with big promises, but know little of what to do to make it happen.
Several years ago while playing basketball I took a messy fall that left my leg in need of surgery. The doctors told me I was fortunate that I was brought to the hospital so quickly. My leg was injured in such a way that time would have only made the process harder. As I begin to see the rumblings of the new year approach, I can’t help but think that some are just frustrated because somewhere along the line, they suffered a ‘fracture’ and it was never treated properly.
In life, just like in medicine, we need a professional to get us back on track. Here are a few things we all can use to speed up our recovery:
- When you’re injured, get a professional diagnosis immediately: Often we feel we are strong enough to fix ourselves. While that is admiral, it is also foolish. We are surrounded by people who have the qualifications to address our issues. The problem is we don’t show up. When I hurt my leg, all my friends had their own ideas of what was wrong. But when the pain is personal, you have to get it right.
- Remember, treatment will hurt but it is necessary: Until the meds kick in, every little thing the doctor did hurt badly. Even the brace that was supposed to stabilize my knee was unbearable. It’s funny how the things that hurt us the most are really setting internal things aright. Don’t let the process and occasional pain deter you from getting what you need.
- Utilize your support system during rehab: Only a few days after my injury, the doctor began setting a timeline for me to get active in a rehab facility. I was irritated to say the least. I felt I needed to stay in bed and rest my knee but the professional insisted it was time. What I found in rehab was a group of people who had suffered many variations of injuries just like mine. We had a common bond and when one of us was in pain or discouraged, there was a network of people cheering you on. In life, you need to be connected to people who’ve suffered, but are ready to make a comeback!
We’ve all been ‘broken’ at one time or another. Relationships have fractured, hearts have been dislocated and even our feelings have been sprained. Often it is the internal wounds that take the longest to heal. In those times where the pain seems too much to cope, keep these keys in mind and embrace the healing process. Dreams may break, but we don’t have to.
See ya at the top!
Cherese Jackson
Nothing Is Wrong, But Nothing Is Right Either by Cherese Jackson
Married and Living Above the Level of Mediocrity
Some time ago I had a client share with me that when it comes to her marriage, “nothing was wrong, but nothing was right either!” I thought about that for some time and realized that a great majority of couples have come to a ‘new normal’ called Relationship Purgatory. They exist together with the sole purpose of not pissing each other off! What kind of relationship is that?
You fall in love, get married, and most times have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens; the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes.
During the “bad times” there is more arguing and fault finding, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of happiness and appreciation. But you somehow weather the storms and manage to stay married.
You’re way pass all the tokens of affection like, champagne, chocolates, edible body oils and tons of flowers. And now you’re sitting face to face with someone you’re not sure the future holds. Long after the dates are over you are fighting to live above…MEDIOCRITY!
What most couples don’t realize is that there are things they can do to ensure that times are better than they are worse, to make riding out the storms smoother and easier.
Marriage requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die. There is no couple that doesn’t have to work hard at improving their relationship. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is a setup for disappointment and disillusionment.
The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship. Among the most common problems:
Marriage is much like having a job, it takes commitment, knowledge, and trust to make it last. Each partner has important needs in a marriage that have to be met.
Do you understand the needs of your partner? Do you respect the needs of your partner? Are you truly a partner?
Some couples stay in unhappy relationships, why? …They can’t put their finger on the real problem. It seems that, “nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either”.
Taking your marriage from mediocre to great, can mean an unexpected lunch date, a mid-afternoon call at work, a stop at the local florist, a quick kiss in the morning, or a simple “I love you”. Trigger your memory by moving your thinking away from the problem and back to the core of your relationship. Think of how you felt, in the beginning of the relationship, during the dating stage, sometimes it can be hard to get those feelings back, because life has become busier with family, and work.
All in all, marriage is a partnership, and being an active participant in your marriage is critical in having that 50th Year Anniversary. Men need to feel appreciated by their wives, and told often how much they are appreciated, and loved. Set aside time to talk with your spouse, during this time you should leave out conversations about children, bills, or any extra worries. A good topic could be about how you met each other or why you fell for each other in the first place.
During this time you are bonding with your spouse, and re-establishing your connection, and hopefully sharing a laugh or two in the process. There are times as a couple you will have arguments or disagreements, but if you always keep in mind the reason you fell in love in the first place, this will take your marriage from mediocre to great!
See you at the TOP!
Cherese Jackson
Some time ago I had a client share with me that when it comes to her marriage, “nothing was wrong, but nothing was right either!” I thought about that for some time and realized that a great majority of couples have come to a ‘new normal’ called Relationship Purgatory. They exist together with the sole purpose of not pissing each other off! What kind of relationship is that?
You fall in love, get married, and most times have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens; the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes.
During the “bad times” there is more arguing and fault finding, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of happiness and appreciation. But you somehow weather the storms and manage to stay married.
You’re way pass all the tokens of affection like, champagne, chocolates, edible body oils and tons of flowers. And now you’re sitting face to face with someone you’re not sure the future holds. Long after the dates are over you are fighting to live above…MEDIOCRITY!
What most couples don’t realize is that there are things they can do to ensure that times are better than they are worse, to make riding out the storms smoother and easier.
Marriage requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die. There is no couple that doesn’t have to work hard at improving their relationship. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is a setup for disappointment and disillusionment.
The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship. Among the most common problems:
- Money – There never seems to be enough, or if there is, one person is upset about how the other spends it and how to invest or protect the rest.
- Sex – It’s the reason 50 percent of couples seek marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires sex more often and on different terms than the other. Often times it gets so bad that neither spouse can recall the last time they enjoyed it together.
- Work – Partners have different role expectations about who does what within the home as well as outside of the home.
- Children – Couples often disagree over how to raise and discipline children.
Marriage is much like having a job, it takes commitment, knowledge, and trust to make it last. Each partner has important needs in a marriage that have to be met.
Do you understand the needs of your partner? Do you respect the needs of your partner? Are you truly a partner?
Some couples stay in unhappy relationships, why? …They can’t put their finger on the real problem. It seems that, “nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either”.
Taking your marriage from mediocre to great, can mean an unexpected lunch date, a mid-afternoon call at work, a stop at the local florist, a quick kiss in the morning, or a simple “I love you”. Trigger your memory by moving your thinking away from the problem and back to the core of your relationship. Think of how you felt, in the beginning of the relationship, during the dating stage, sometimes it can be hard to get those feelings back, because life has become busier with family, and work.
All in all, marriage is a partnership, and being an active participant in your marriage is critical in having that 50th Year Anniversary. Men need to feel appreciated by their wives, and told often how much they are appreciated, and loved. Set aside time to talk with your spouse, during this time you should leave out conversations about children, bills, or any extra worries. A good topic could be about how you met each other or why you fell for each other in the first place.
During this time you are bonding with your spouse, and re-establishing your connection, and hopefully sharing a laugh or two in the process. There are times as a couple you will have arguments or disagreements, but if you always keep in mind the reason you fell in love in the first place, this will take your marriage from mediocre to great!
See you at the TOP!
Cherese Jackson
4 Rules to Keep Your Personal Brand Respectable
How many times have our intentions been hindered by someone’s premature judgment? Specialist in the field of social behavior state that an opinion of you is made within 4 seconds of a person meeting you. That means if you had the slightest off day you could lose countless potential connections. We have to take time to understand that we are a walking, talking brand that is speaking louder than we know. If we adjust our perception and take care of our brand presence like the Fortune 500 companies we will see a tremendous jump in our effectiveness across the board.
By definition, a Brand is an unspoken promise of service or quality that people expect you to deliver. Whether you know they are expecting it or not, you have an obligation to come through or your reputation will suffer. Think of it this way, every single relationship you are in has an expectation attached. Your barber, church, business and even family all operate based on a brand. If mishandled, you can end up with all kinds of bad press about you. We live in a digitally connected world, something that happens in China this morning is appearing on local evening news. Information travels at light speed. One bad personal review can result in Twitter or Facebook posts within moments.
Google is not only the world’s most powerful search engine; it is a place for reputation management. Have you ever Googled yourself? Everything by you or about you has made its way online. It would be a smart thing to monitor how you are perceived so you can present the best possible view of who you really are.
Here are 4 rules to keep your personal brand respectable:
See you at the TOP!
By definition, a Brand is an unspoken promise of service or quality that people expect you to deliver. Whether you know they are expecting it or not, you have an obligation to come through or your reputation will suffer. Think of it this way, every single relationship you are in has an expectation attached. Your barber, church, business and even family all operate based on a brand. If mishandled, you can end up with all kinds of bad press about you. We live in a digitally connected world, something that happens in China this morning is appearing on local evening news. Information travels at light speed. One bad personal review can result in Twitter or Facebook posts within moments.
Google is not only the world’s most powerful search engine; it is a place for reputation management. Have you ever Googled yourself? Everything by you or about you has made its way online. It would be a smart thing to monitor how you are perceived so you can present the best possible view of who you really are.
Here are 4 rules to keep your personal brand respectable:
- Own your online presence: This means you have to adjust security settings on all your social media sites. Sites like Facebook allow others to post via your timeline and this can be a problem if they are posting inappropriate material. You cannot use the excuse that you didn’t do it when you have complete control of your page. Many have loss jobs and other opportunities because a simple search turned up party pictures and other risqué images.
- Keep yourself presentable at all times: When you are building your reputation as a professional you have to make sure you are seen as such. Nothing is more discomforting than meeting someone who claims to be a hair stylist but their appearance is horrible. You must look like you’re going somewhere. People form lasting opinions from first impressions.
- No matter what you do, have a card: It’s the small details that separate you from the crowd. No matter what your job title, it is always a good investment to have profession cards with your contact information on it. For less than 50 bucks, you can present someone with your phone and email without ripping a scrap piece of paper and searching for a pen. It lets others know you mean business.
- Remember someone is always watching: We all long to go some place and let our hair down. Everyone enjoys a good time. But there must be awareness that even in the midst of having fun, you carry yourself like a professional. I have attended countless corporate sponsored retreats and witnessed executives running about with their “shirts” off in the spirit of having fun. Only to be embarrassed walking into morning meetings. The moral of the story is, home is where your hair should be let down, and the public is for good professional fun.
See you at the TOP!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
How to Be a Black 'Avenger' in a World of Evildoers
Like many of you, I was swept away by the movie phenomenon known as “The Avengers”. We saw the commercials, the product advertisements and billboards plastered with this ragtag team of superheroes who somehow forge a relationship to help save humanity from certain destruction at the hands of an evil villain. The Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Scarlet leaped into action after being convinced by the military genius Mr. Furry. They were able to put aside their differences and work for the greater good. Not to spoil it for you, but in the end the world is safe. When I heard the film raked in over $215 million dollars in two weeks I realized the superhero concept of “The Avengers” wasn’t so new, in fact it is sometimes a very common occurrence.
When you strip away the computer generated images, million dollar budgets and Hollywood star power, an Avenger is simply an individual who takes up the cause of another who’s unable to protect themselves. In different circles that person may be referred to as an advocate. At the core of humanity we make a choice to operate by the infamous Golden Rule, which is “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” By the looks of American culture, we have strayed far away from this simple principle. Society has always been balanced by persons stepping up to the plate and champion causes bigger than themselves. These everyday avengers have come in the form of presidents willing to abolish slavery, pilots flying beyond enemy lines and even ministers willing to lock arms and to march on behalf of others for equal rights. We have been privileged to experience them come from diverse backgrounds, ethnicities and cultures all with the same selfless spirit. They may not have worn a cape, but we saw them as ‘super’ still the same.
Here are a few places you can look and see our modern-day Avengers:
In the area of women’s rights
It is not uncommon to see the face of a woman plastered on the cover of business magazines as top CEO’s and other company leaders. But in the broader scope of our country, there are still great strides needed to bring equality across genders. In the United States, woman still earn dramatically less than their male counterparts in corporate America. It was first lady Michelle Obama, who championed equal pay for equal work on the campaign trail. It is organizations like the National Organization for Women who are on the front line of this issue fighting to make sure the progress achieved in the last sixty years is not in vain.
Better education in underserved communities
Civil rights leader and advocate Malcolm X once said, “Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.” This concept has been the foundation for public education in America. The right to receive adequate training to be a productive and prosperous American is the right of every person. So when I look at certain communities and see the gross neglect and weak curriculums it is amazing. These areas lack a voice to speak on their behalf. It is encouraging to see leadership like the Gary Comer College Prep School which shines as a beacon in the Chicago area. Amidst killing and senseless loss, this school boasts an excellent attrition rate for high school seniors accepted into college.
Better healthcare for all people
Our country is in the middle of a tug of war. Unfortunately, what’s at stake is far greater than bragging rights. The health and welfare of our seniors and children hang in the balance of those on Capitol Hill. Whether Obamacare is right or wrong is not as important as the need for dialogue around this issue. On one hand we have our elderly who are struggling with the decision to purchase food or their prescriptions and on the other we have parents who can’t receive proper care at neighborhood clinics. Parents should not have to wonder if their doctor can afford to keep his doors open when he’s the only office in the community. There is an initiative to bring mobile clinics to the heart of areas needing it the most. Armed with immunizations, screening and dental supplies, they are giving away services free that otherwise would not even happen.
The moral of this story
I can’t promise you a cape or a billboard. But I can declare that we all have a super ability to step in and relieve the sufferings of others. All it takes to be a real life Avenger is the choice to fight for the needs of the less fortunate. The people without a voice or an advocate. There you will find greatness, and there you will be remembered as an Avenger.
See you at the TOP!
When you strip away the computer generated images, million dollar budgets and Hollywood star power, an Avenger is simply an individual who takes up the cause of another who’s unable to protect themselves. In different circles that person may be referred to as an advocate. At the core of humanity we make a choice to operate by the infamous Golden Rule, which is “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” By the looks of American culture, we have strayed far away from this simple principle. Society has always been balanced by persons stepping up to the plate and champion causes bigger than themselves. These everyday avengers have come in the form of presidents willing to abolish slavery, pilots flying beyond enemy lines and even ministers willing to lock arms and to march on behalf of others for equal rights. We have been privileged to experience them come from diverse backgrounds, ethnicities and cultures all with the same selfless spirit. They may not have worn a cape, but we saw them as ‘super’ still the same.
Here are a few places you can look and see our modern-day Avengers:
In the area of women’s rights
It is not uncommon to see the face of a woman plastered on the cover of business magazines as top CEO’s and other company leaders. But in the broader scope of our country, there are still great strides needed to bring equality across genders. In the United States, woman still earn dramatically less than their male counterparts in corporate America. It was first lady Michelle Obama, who championed equal pay for equal work on the campaign trail. It is organizations like the National Organization for Women who are on the front line of this issue fighting to make sure the progress achieved in the last sixty years is not in vain.
Better education in underserved communities
Civil rights leader and advocate Malcolm X once said, “Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.” This concept has been the foundation for public education in America. The right to receive adequate training to be a productive and prosperous American is the right of every person. So when I look at certain communities and see the gross neglect and weak curriculums it is amazing. These areas lack a voice to speak on their behalf. It is encouraging to see leadership like the Gary Comer College Prep School which shines as a beacon in the Chicago area. Amidst killing and senseless loss, this school boasts an excellent attrition rate for high school seniors accepted into college.
Better healthcare for all people
Our country is in the middle of a tug of war. Unfortunately, what’s at stake is far greater than bragging rights. The health and welfare of our seniors and children hang in the balance of those on Capitol Hill. Whether Obamacare is right or wrong is not as important as the need for dialogue around this issue. On one hand we have our elderly who are struggling with the decision to purchase food or their prescriptions and on the other we have parents who can’t receive proper care at neighborhood clinics. Parents should not have to wonder if their doctor can afford to keep his doors open when he’s the only office in the community. There is an initiative to bring mobile clinics to the heart of areas needing it the most. Armed with immunizations, screening and dental supplies, they are giving away services free that otherwise would not even happen.
The moral of this story
I can’t promise you a cape or a billboard. But I can declare that we all have a super ability to step in and relieve the sufferings of others. All it takes to be a real life Avenger is the choice to fight for the needs of the less fortunate. The people without a voice or an advocate. There you will find greatness, and there you will be remembered as an Avenger.
See you at the TOP!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
3 Steps to Rob the Grave of Your Greatness
There’s a saying that goes, “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you do not move.” This represents the power of progression. We have all seen people who have all the right ingredients, a good job, supportive family and seemingly great education but fall short of reaching their potential. Often it’s a matter of choice, not chance. You and I have the innate ability to move forward through the most horrific circumstances in life. We are literally hardwired to win. Our challenge lies in the fact we allow fear and uncertainty to paralyze us from moving forward.
If you’ve been to any public place lately, you saw people just hanging around doorways, stores and parking lots. These folks aren’t in a rush because they have no place to go. It looks as though their time is deeply invested in the art of loitering. A closer look at the definition will offer key principles for us all to get our lives moving in the right direction.
To Loiter is to: Stand or wait around idly or without apparent purpose; to delay an activity with idle stops and pauses. To be clear, loitering is not just standing around. It isn’t just hanging out with friends or relaxing to have a good time. Loitering has everything to do with purpose. As inspirational teacher Dr. Myles Munroe puts it, “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. “ Whether a new smart phone or a relationship, if you do not learn its purpose, you will never use it in a proper way. The same goes for our lives. The fact that we are created is proof that there is an assignment attributed to our existence. Every single human on this planet has a purpose waiting to be discovered inside them. Most will go to the grave full of what they should have given humanity.
Here are 3 steps to make sure we all rob the grave of our greatness:
See you at the TOP!
If you’ve been to any public place lately, you saw people just hanging around doorways, stores and parking lots. These folks aren’t in a rush because they have no place to go. It looks as though their time is deeply invested in the art of loitering. A closer look at the definition will offer key principles for us all to get our lives moving in the right direction.
To Loiter is to: Stand or wait around idly or without apparent purpose; to delay an activity with idle stops and pauses. To be clear, loitering is not just standing around. It isn’t just hanging out with friends or relaxing to have a good time. Loitering has everything to do with purpose. As inspirational teacher Dr. Myles Munroe puts it, “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. “ Whether a new smart phone or a relationship, if you do not learn its purpose, you will never use it in a proper way. The same goes for our lives. The fact that we are created is proof that there is an assignment attributed to our existence. Every single human on this planet has a purpose waiting to be discovered inside them. Most will go to the grave full of what they should have given humanity.
Here are 3 steps to make sure we all rob the grave of our greatness:
- Start with discovering where you really are: In the mall there are usually these huge signs that show us where to find our favorite store. But to map out the route, you have to find the big red that says, ‘You Are Here’. It is useless to get excited about the destination until we secure our place. Doing this proves valuable so we can budget for the journey appropriately.
- Define what success is for yourself: We live in a society where people are hyper-sensitive about what others think. To be socially polite is one thing, to be a social door mat is another. Often we invest far too much time making sure others aren’t offended at our choice of success. Only you can define what a ‘win’ looks like to you. Life is too short to live it for someone else.
- Even if you stumble, don’t stop moving: It’s easier to correct a wrong turn than to get someone out of the gate. We so often sit around waiting for perfect conditions to take a step and we miss so much momentum and opportunity in the process. We have a ‘gut’ sense of what should be done, but because of outside influences we sit on our hands and do not move. The beautiful thing about life is failure is not fatal and usually never last. Make your move today!
See you at the TOP!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
The Truth About Lying
What is the truth worth? In a time where lying has become an acceptable art, the lines between truth and error have been blurred. Our politicians do it, our teachers do it, our religious leaders do it, and even our children do it. It is difficult to hold anyone to a standard higher than the one we live by. Where does it end? Famed German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “I am not upset that you lied to me, but that from now on I cannot believe you.” We have come to understand that the consequences of a lie have touched us all in negative ways. In fact, if we could, we would go back and un-do those situations. The truth of the matter is, you cannot un-tell a lie.
When we speak of empowerment, we are referring to the ability to remind others of the resident power living inside them. Empowerment also says that anytime they desire, they can release this power into their situations. Lies weaken and erode foundations. When we speak lies it’s usually the result of a moment in time we feel defeated and lack the courage to own the truth. It is a strong sign of character to be a person of integrity. When you honor yourself and your words, people will as well.
Empowerment shows up to lend support in tough times.
A study was done by psychologist Dan Ariely of several liars and their circumstances. What was interesting was the ‘stories’ of why that existed behind the lies they told. He noticed (3) major trends:
For many, the disconnection began in our youth. When we were told there were ‘white lies’ and ‘big lies’ we instantly began looking for ways to manipulate the system. We created a scale in our minds and little by little it became unbalanced. As we grew, the importance of our words did also. Now we stand as adults faced with hundreds of choices daily to do what is right or what is convenient. Far too often people make the wrong decision because they were never empowered properly.
We no longer have to live in this perpetual ‘grey area’ of life. We can stand up and own up to the life we live. With authenticity we can choose to be people of integrity and have words with honor. Remembering we are only as good as the weight of our words.
See you at the TOP!
When we speak of empowerment, we are referring to the ability to remind others of the resident power living inside them. Empowerment also says that anytime they desire, they can release this power into their situations. Lies weaken and erode foundations. When we speak lies it’s usually the result of a moment in time we feel defeated and lack the courage to own the truth. It is a strong sign of character to be a person of integrity. When you honor yourself and your words, people will as well.
Empowerment shows up to lend support in tough times.
- Liars usually will do it even if the stakes are pennies. Dan found that no matter how low the monetary amount, some lied as if millions were on the line. Proving there was an adrenaline rush associated with telling a lie.
- Liars often found pleasure in doing it to help others. These are people who want to help another so badly they would stake their reputation on it. There was a joy achieved in knowing their lie went to a good cause.
- Liars almost NEVER do it once. By the time the average liar is busted, there’s usually a trail left behind. The first thing they will scream is, this is my first lie. Dan says this is usually not the case at all.
For many, the disconnection began in our youth. When we were told there were ‘white lies’ and ‘big lies’ we instantly began looking for ways to manipulate the system. We created a scale in our minds and little by little it became unbalanced. As we grew, the importance of our words did also. Now we stand as adults faced with hundreds of choices daily to do what is right or what is convenient. Far too often people make the wrong decision because they were never empowered properly.
We no longer have to live in this perpetual ‘grey area’ of life. We can stand up and own up to the life we live. With authenticity we can choose to be people of integrity and have words with honor. Remembering we are only as good as the weight of our words.
See you at the TOP!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
The Top 4 Ways to Manage Your Stress
How do you spell relief? That was the tagline from an antacid many years ago but the question remains a mystery to millions today. With the rise of prescription drug abuse, obesity and a litany of other preventable diseases, America is in a state of emergency. Everyone wants to get over their stress, or at best become numb to it. The reality is you cannot escape the pressures of life, but you can at least learn how to better manage it.
Stress in our lives usually follows a certain pattern. It starts long before the manifestation of the problem in the form of procrastination and oversight. When we lack proper preparation for events, whether daily or annually, we can only look forward to suffering the consequences. A simple act of preparing the children’s clothes or packing the families lunch the night before can be the small thing that causes less stress the following day. We tend to focus so much on the factors of stress we have no control over and miss the things we do. By taking ownership of your activities and habits, you increase your odds of avoiding the disasters we all face.
We all get the feeling that life isn’t playing fair at times. The truth is, life is very impartial. Everyone has the same type of stuff to deal with. The difference is found in how they prepare and how they react. Most psychologist agree we handle events in a four step process called S.A.R.A. or (Shock, Anger, Resentment & Acceptance). The goal of life is to progress through these stages with as little friction as possible. The longer we linger in the first three, the harder life feels. It’s perfectly normal to experience shock and anger. From there we usually feel a sense of resentment and ask why this is happening to me? But in the famous words of the ‘Serenity Prayer’ “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” It’s amazing how smoothly we can transition once we embrace those words.
Here are the top four ways to manage your stress:
See you at the TOP!
Stress in our lives usually follows a certain pattern. It starts long before the manifestation of the problem in the form of procrastination and oversight. When we lack proper preparation for events, whether daily or annually, we can only look forward to suffering the consequences. A simple act of preparing the children’s clothes or packing the families lunch the night before can be the small thing that causes less stress the following day. We tend to focus so much on the factors of stress we have no control over and miss the things we do. By taking ownership of your activities and habits, you increase your odds of avoiding the disasters we all face.
We all get the feeling that life isn’t playing fair at times. The truth is, life is very impartial. Everyone has the same type of stuff to deal with. The difference is found in how they prepare and how they react. Most psychologist agree we handle events in a four step process called S.A.R.A. or (Shock, Anger, Resentment & Acceptance). The goal of life is to progress through these stages with as little friction as possible. The longer we linger in the first three, the harder life feels. It’s perfectly normal to experience shock and anger. From there we usually feel a sense of resentment and ask why this is happening to me? But in the famous words of the ‘Serenity Prayer’ “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” It’s amazing how smoothly we can transition once we embrace those words.
Here are the top four ways to manage your stress:
- Turn the problem into a sizable challenge: I have learned that most of life is really about how you see it. When something is a ‘problem’ it screams and intimidates. But when that same situation is viewed as a ‘challenge’ is simply stands as a task to be figured out. A challenge requires your personality and wit to be solved.
- Access your place of power: We are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit. A person’s true place of power is their personal testimony. Lodged in your memory is an arsenal of victories from the past. Use the momentum and the fact that you’ve overcome things like this before. Then take the first step.
- Make your next goal crystal clear: Most fail simply because they did not prepare. When goals are not documented and defined, they exist as distant wishes. Stop daydreaming and write it down. Get it out of your head and onto paper. Once there, you can better see what steps need to happen before and after to insure your success.
- Get moving: This may sound strange, but the human brain functions better with activity. Sometimes the best thing to do in a stressful situation is to walk away for a moment and go for a long walk or engage in some other physical activity. Something to stimulate your mental. This allows your subconscious to ponder the task without interruptions.
See you at the TOP!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Vision Boards, How to Use Them
As a life coach and business strategist, I have used many tools to help individuals along in their transformations. Having been in corporate America for more than 20 years as an analyst, trainer and mentor I have seen the benefit of such things as team builders, peer support and staff retreats. Also as a co-author of a book on the power of affirmations I believe in these tactics. I want to share my perspective on the latest phenomenon to hit the scene, ‘Vision Boards’.
It’s difficult to get an exact origin of the concept of vision board because in one form or another it seems to have always been around. Based on the biblical principles of “Without a vision, the people perish.” in Proverbs 29:18 and “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” found in Proverbs 23:7, individuals set out to place images of the goals and dreams they possess onto a board located where they can view it daily. The business community began to realize that where your focus goes, your energy flows. This concept can be managed and increased simply by choosing to focus on a desired outcome, not the situations at hand.
Seemingly overnight, life coaches and trainers began implementing the activity of vision boards into their practices. Vision board parties began springing up on social media sites and people were exposed to the power of “focus”. But like many other great movements in the past, people assumed all it took was placing a few magazine cut outs onto a piece of poster board and POW, you have a new car, job and wardrobe. They took the ingredients and left the gathering without the intent of doing the work. Trust me, if all it takes is a few pictures and a wish, we’d all be millionaires.
Let me share some practical things to do after you’ve been empowered by a vision board activity:
It’s difficult to get an exact origin of the concept of vision board because in one form or another it seems to have always been around. Based on the biblical principles of “Without a vision, the people perish.” in Proverbs 29:18 and “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” found in Proverbs 23:7, individuals set out to place images of the goals and dreams they possess onto a board located where they can view it daily. The business community began to realize that where your focus goes, your energy flows. This concept can be managed and increased simply by choosing to focus on a desired outcome, not the situations at hand.
Seemingly overnight, life coaches and trainers began implementing the activity of vision boards into their practices. Vision board parties began springing up on social media sites and people were exposed to the power of “focus”. But like many other great movements in the past, people assumed all it took was placing a few magazine cut outs onto a piece of poster board and POW, you have a new car, job and wardrobe. They took the ingredients and left the gathering without the intent of doing the work. Trust me, if all it takes is a few pictures and a wish, we’d all be millionaires.
Let me share some practical things to do after you’ve been empowered by a vision board activity:
- Set realistic expectations for yourself: I always communicate to clients that life is a series of systems. The negative system seems to be so strong for some because that’s the system they are most proficient in. Meaning they’ve operated in it so long it comes naturally. When you are making a shift in thinking, you have to be patient and allow yourself time to see results. After all, you’ve had so much practice doing it the other way.
- Ride the momentum, but pace yourself accordingly: This new-found excitement and positivity you have is the first wave of an emotional life journey. You have just found the key to the kingdom but at the same time, it’s going to be a process. Many are so pumped up that when they make a little mistake, it takes all the wind out of their sails. Calm down, and simply enjoy the ride.
- Follow up, follow-up and more follow-up: Bruce Lee said, “I am not afraid of the man who’s practiced 10,000 kicks once, but of the man who’s practiced one kick 10,000 times.” The moral is to invest the time and work it takes to be great at this task. It is impossible to get it all in one setting. Growth is a lifelong endeavor. While some only try it once, be the one who sees the long-term benefits of vision boards.
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Seeing isn't believing, BELIEVING IS SEEING
To say vision is important is an understatement. The ability to see is our primary sensory mechanism used every day of our lives. Can you imagine what life would be without it? What if everything went black for you visually? How well could you navigate through your home? The loss of sight has the potential to render us frozen in whatever condition we live. Take this fact and compound it by 100, and you will begin to understand how vital it is to have a vision for your life. And you can also see the impact of trying to live without one.
Literary icon Ralph Waldo Emerson said of vision, “People will only see what they are prepared to see.” I have always taken this to be the defining line between existing and living. We have been lulled to sleep to the fact that every one of us were born to embark greatness. Mediocre living is what we are left with when we abandon the ideal of a better tomorrow. This isn’t a life, it’s a prison sentence. Getting up, going to work, shopping then coming home to prepare to do the same thing all over again is the ultimate frustration. Who in their right mind sets out to be average or ordinary when there’s so much available?
We are taught at an early age that “Seeing, is believing.” That couldn’t be further from reality. While the masses sit around waiting to see what life will produce for them, a select few set a course to create a life they know they deserve. We are urged to be ‘realistic’ or ‘reasonable’ when it comes to our dreams. But what has being ‘reasonable’ really gotten you so far. An average job, average pay and of course, average expectations. I believe if we are not careful, life’s challenges have a way of stripping us of our power and leaving us afraid to ask for more.
It makes you wonder; what else can we do?
Literary icon Ralph Waldo Emerson said of vision, “People will only see what they are prepared to see.” I have always taken this to be the defining line between existing and living. We have been lulled to sleep to the fact that every one of us were born to embark greatness. Mediocre living is what we are left with when we abandon the ideal of a better tomorrow. This isn’t a life, it’s a prison sentence. Getting up, going to work, shopping then coming home to prepare to do the same thing all over again is the ultimate frustration. Who in their right mind sets out to be average or ordinary when there’s so much available?
We are taught at an early age that “Seeing, is believing.” That couldn’t be further from reality. While the masses sit around waiting to see what life will produce for them, a select few set a course to create a life they know they deserve. We are urged to be ‘realistic’ or ‘reasonable’ when it comes to our dreams. But what has being ‘reasonable’ really gotten you so far. An average job, average pay and of course, average expectations. I believe if we are not careful, life’s challenges have a way of stripping us of our power and leaving us afraid to ask for more.
It makes you wonder; what else can we do?
- First, turn your vision ‘inward’: What you see in the natural is only a reflection of your inner perception. Have you ever seen someone with a bad disposition have a good day? Of course not. Because to them, even a good day is viewed through their negative lens. To see a better world, we must first see a better us.
- Unleash the force of expectation: Life doesn’t give you what you deserve, it releases what you expect. When you walk into a situation with the internal expectation that things are about to shift for your good, you usually walk away satisfied. We are literally living out the script we write for ourselves using the pen called expectation.
- Remember, talk it, walk it, then see it: We have had the universes’ order backwards. We want to get excited after the fact. But in order to experience things beyond your current situation you have to speak in the direction you want to go long before others can confirm it. This takes faith that your blessings are on the way!
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
Rebuilding Your Life After Tragedy
In his touching dedication to the victims of hurricane Katrina, rap artist Lil Wayne with the help of R & B singer Robin Thicke opened the song ‘Tie My Hands’ with these commanding lyrics; “Some say tragedy is hard to get over. But sometimes the tragedy means its over.” Often we don’t attribute enough praise and support to the art of surviving trauma. We tend to focus more on the items or people lost instead of the beauty of living to see another day. Long before we are prepared to take another step towards our dreams we must first acknowledge that we’ve survived. That in itself is a miracle.
If you were to pass a microphone around in any social setting and ask; ‘has anyone been through anything tough?’ you could have an instant Dr. Phil moment. Everyone has bad experiences in their past. The difference for some is how they learned to deal with it. Often in families there’s the teaching to sweep matters under the rug. They use the old motto ‘what happens in this house stays in this house.’ That only serves to create an environment where you are not free to express any feelings and certainly not pain. The illusion of healing is there because everyone is too busy keeping the family secrets. I’m not saying to go around telling every single detail of your past to strangers, but find a safe outlet with a friend or professional where you can have true expression.
Between what happened and what needs to happen next is called a transition. When we enter this stage of our journey it can become difficult. This difficulty exists because we don’t know how to handle our periods of uncertainty. A tragedy can rob you of who you were. But the beauty of ‘today’ is you can redefine who you desire to become. You do not have to enter your next level of life dragging the outdated memory of what was. You can cross with confidence knowing there’s something better for you after your loss.
Here are some great ways to manage a tragedy:
If you were to pass a microphone around in any social setting and ask; ‘has anyone been through anything tough?’ you could have an instant Dr. Phil moment. Everyone has bad experiences in their past. The difference for some is how they learned to deal with it. Often in families there’s the teaching to sweep matters under the rug. They use the old motto ‘what happens in this house stays in this house.’ That only serves to create an environment where you are not free to express any feelings and certainly not pain. The illusion of healing is there because everyone is too busy keeping the family secrets. I’m not saying to go around telling every single detail of your past to strangers, but find a safe outlet with a friend or professional where you can have true expression.
Between what happened and what needs to happen next is called a transition. When we enter this stage of our journey it can become difficult. This difficulty exists because we don’t know how to handle our periods of uncertainty. A tragedy can rob you of who you were. But the beauty of ‘today’ is you can redefine who you desire to become. You do not have to enter your next level of life dragging the outdated memory of what was. You can cross with confidence knowing there’s something better for you after your loss.
Here are some great ways to manage a tragedy:
- Own your story: We all have come from different places. Society sometimes attempts to categorize everyone by a set of labels. This literally robs us of our individuality. Your journey has costs you your life, at least you can tell your story your way.
- Since it’s your story, hold the pen for yourself: The worst thing you can ever do is have someone else write your next chapter for you. People will tell you what to do based on their past, not yours. Be open to advice but in the end, if it is meant to be, it’s up to you
- Don’t allow your tragedy to define tomorrow: Stop telling yourself it didn’t happen. The first step to healing is accepting the truth. You were hurt. You did suffer. But the story never ends there! The next question you should be asking yourself is, ‘what’s next for me?’ When you answer that, you have your next chapter.
© 2012, Cherese L. Jackson. All rights reserved.
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