Yes, No, Maybe So: Overcoming Indecisiveness

A few years ago my husband and I, as is our custom, stepped out for dinner and a movie. It had been a particularly challenging week so we both were in the mood for something funny. We had a ball watching an incredible actor, Jim Carey do his thing in the movie ‘Yes Man’. Jim stepped into the role of depressed bank loan officer Carl Allen. 

Carl is down in the dumps due to a recent divorce and the fact he just doesn’t feel his life is moving. Feeling stuck, he watches his close friends around him experience a fulfilled life and openly longs for the same. He eventually stumbles onto the success Guru Terrence Bundley during his self help rally. Bundley challenges Carl to take a covenant of ‘Yes’.  Meaning every opportunity life brings, he is to accept it with open arms with a resounding YES!

Carl has no idea how a one simple syllable word will drastically transform his small life. Layer after layer of freedom unfolds for Carl and he quickly learns that a life spent more freely can directly impact his closest relationships. As my husband and I drove home, we began chatting about new ways our lives could open up, just by simply making more deliberate choices. Here are some points I discovered:

1.  Not making a decision in life is actually making a decision: For whatever reason, we go back and forth in life over thinking situations. We make them harder than they really should be. In life, I have learned to make a notation of the pros and cons of a situation, weigh the consequences and make a move. It’s really not that hard. Use the ‘worse case scenario’ theory and look at it objectively. But don’t wait too long, the facts will get muddled and cause you to become mentally paralyzed.

2.  Stop living your life by committee: I am always amazed how often people open their critical life decisions to a majority vote with their friends. Where should I move? Should I marry him? Do you all think I am ready for kids? And then they poll people for their opinion when they don’t have a part in the consequence. That’s just foolish. It is fine to have a close circle of friends that you consult with. Those who know you well, and can be truthful. But ultimately the decision must be yours. You have to live with the way things turn out.

3.  The power to say yes or no is yours: I read once, “A realistic no is far better than a fake yes.” What I took from that is when you take accountability for your life you have to also take accountability for your time. This means you will have to learn to say no at times. Guarding your time is the quickest way to securing a better life. People, without bad intentions, will use up your time and resources and you end up with nothing. We have to manage boundaries and use the power of no. No doesn’t mean I am cruel, just that I understand that my time is valuable as well.

‘Yes Man’ was a really funny flick. We laughed, but along the way I caught some gems that have made life a little easier. We can invest so much time in being a ‘people pleaser’ that we miss out on living our lives. I am convinced there is a balance that we all can strike in life that enables us to be a blessing to those around us while enjoying the benefits of a life of freedom ourselves.

Cherese Jackson

3 Ways To Launch Into Your Authentic Life Path

Your life isn’t about your job or business. In fact, your ‘real’ job in life is to connect with people in a way that increases their purpose along with your own. All the other stuff is just the white noise we get distracted and bogged down with. It is when we embrace a lifestyle of simplicity that we release our greatest potential. The 350 channels on our televisions, 200 radio stations on satellite radio and of course our smart phones have made it nearly impossible to turn life down and turn up our own thoughts.

It has been said that the two biggest days of our existence are the day we are born and the day we discover why we were born. When you view life as a path instead of a race, you can approach it with the confidence that no matter who does what before you, it has nothing to do with the reason you occupy this world. It instantly causes the burden of getting more ‘stuff’ off your shoulders and positions you for what matters most.

It can be a challenge to get rid of the clutter and tune in. But that is exactly what you have been craving. Examine that feeling that has been in the pit of your stomach. No amount of cocktails or parties can fill the void. You have changed your home, job and even mate yet you wake up feeling the same way. The reason is there is a path calling your name. There’s an encounter that has been scheduled for you to run smack into the purpose for your life; and you will never be happy until you locate it. You will continue on the ‘treadmill of life’ moving fast but accomplishing nothing.

Here are some ways to launch into your authentic path:

• Just start exploring: Get out of your head and into the game. We are created to feel, touch, express and explore. Our nature drives us by curiosity. In order to find out what you want to do, you will need to start doing stuff. Don’t be paralyzed by the ‘what’ so much. Try a bunch of activities, hang out with different types of people, and visit various places. You don’t know what you are looking for but I promise you will know it when you find it.

• Be open to new experiences: A closed mind is an unhappy mind. It is easy to get stuck in a rut and routine. If you find yourself frustrated it may be that you are too predictable. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs says that we are designed to need variety. The tapestry of life is filled with patterns and textures that were meant to be seen firsthand. Our digital world has made it easy for us to sit on our butts and read about life. Get out and live it for yourself!

• Become your life’s evangelist: A generic definition of an evangelist is a person who goes about sharing a doctrine and urging people to convert to it. A commercial is really a form of evangelism. It is used to convert us to the product. In your life, you need to be the one advocating for yourself. This empowers us to be the author of our lives instead of the circumstances. Stand up for yourself, you deserve the best in life!

Venturing out onto a new path is scary. But if we remember how tiny the box we are living in is and how big our lives are supposed to be, we will get the strength to break free. There is a specific path for each of us. And that path appears to those who are ready to say good bye to the familiar and embrace what lies ahead.

 Cherese Jackson